So I have mined a small fortune in Monero (ok, a teeny tiny fortune) and now I find no where to sell it. Is this a US thing or? And if so, any Mericans here that have been able to sell?
You can sell Monero all over the world.
Sell/Buy here.
Or you can sell in exchanges like poloniex, binanace, kraken but the above mentioned is super easy and recommended.
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there are no legal US exchange to sell Monero in.
With that said, i would recommend using a swap like simpleswap.io to exchange it for something that is sellable in the US.
2clicks on nicehash 
and yes all day everyday everyone they have allday long lol click click buy btc from cc yay
I’ll buy it off you.